Jay Black
marlton, nj - http://www.jayblackcomedy.com
i'm a stand-up comedian who also writes.
TV 101: Do we have more TV channels than we do TV talent?
In the 90s, one of the most popular (and annoying) memes that circulated through the geekier magazines was that we were only a few years away from having "500 channels" on our cable systems. Unlike most tech predictions, this one actually came true. Sure, it took 1200% longer than they thought it would, but that's still pretty good considering most of the stuff Wired talked about in the 90s was made up by the editorial staff after downing a couple of those schizophrenia-inducing Transformers 2 pot brownies. Having recently installed Verizon Fios, I've spent the last few months ignoring my wife and young son so I could explore what the 500 channel landscape looks like. Like Charlton Heston in the Forbidden Zone, I was shirtless, on horseback, and ready to uncover some sad truths about the world.
Here's the question I've come back with: what if there isn't enough talent for humanity to adequately fill 500 channels?
Continue reading TV 101: Do we have more TV channels than we do TV talent?
TV 101: How ESPN controls the world and what the other networks can learn from it
You're about to become a soccer fan.I know you don't believe me. Hell, I'm not sure I believe me. After all, America has resisted soccer for going on 150 years. Crapping on soccer ranks right up there with eating horrible chain-restaurant food and producing slobs-versus-snobs camp movies as a quality that define us as Americans.
Further, you've heard this claim before: the "Grab your shin guards, soccer is about to be a hit in the US of A!" column has been written approximately 2.8 million times since the early '70s. Every time a new soccer league starts in this country, everyone rushes to be the first to write that America is about to become Uruguay North.
And yet, those leagues invariably crash and burn, WNBA-style. So what makes this time any different? Why will we finally care about something that we've gone out of our way to not care about for so long? What force is powerful enough to make that happen?
The most powerful force in the universe: ESPN.
Continue reading TV 101: How ESPN controls the world and what the other networks can learn from it
TV 101: Three reasons why I loved Artie Lange's complete dismantling of Joe Buck
Monday night, Artie Lange went on Joe Buck's awful new show Joe Buck Live and did to him what Keyser Soze did to the Hungarian gang in The Usual Suspects.If you didn't see it, let me tell you this much: Artie didn't kill the show; it was already dead when he got there. What he did was the equivalent of finding a dead squirrel (with awful, frat-boy hair), filling it full of firecrackers, then cackling gleefully as the guts rained down onto Jason Sudeikis and Paul Rudd.
Artie Lange's appearance on Joe Buck Live was boorish, crude, mean-spiritied, and blatantly homophobic. It was the kind of thing that'll probably end the career of the poor person who booked him on the show.
It's also something that we need a hell of a lot more of...
Continue reading TV 101: Three reasons why I loved Artie Lange's complete dismantling of Joe Buck
TV 101: Could a woman get as fat as Jason Segel and eight other intriguing questions
One of the joys of being a blogger is all the comments we receive. Once you weed out the personal threats, the discussions of your stupidity, the prayers to various gods that you get struck by a particularly painful STD, and the calls for you to be fired, you're actually left some solid contributions to the online discussion.With that in mind, I've decided to turn this week's column over to you guys, a collection of commenters that I think I can say without hyperbole is the greatest collection of commenters in the history of the known universe. I've put together nine questions about TV that I'd love for you to answer. Don't feel like you have to answer them all: choose which ones are most interesting to you and then have at it.
I'm anxious to hear your opinions, so let's get to it...
The Office: Company Picnic (season finale)
(S05E26) Driving home tonight, I got a text from my wife: "Wow wow wow Office... just wow! Rivals 'Casino Night!'" That kind of praise has the potential to ruin what would normally be a very good episode, if only because you're prepared for something extraordinary. So far, only three things in my life have ever lived up to the hype: Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight, sex, and Cadbury Flake bars. Everything else has been kind of a letdown.
I was worried, then, that my wife's words would condemn tonight's Office to be more meh than magnificent. After all, we're not at the end of a grand storyline like we have been the last few season finales -- part of what made "Casino Night" so special was that it was the culmination of two years of Jim's pining away for Pam.
I just didn't think "Company Picnic" would be able to pull off that kind of greatness as a standalone episode ...
Continue reading The Office: Company Picnic (season finale)
The Office: Cafe Disco
(S05E25) About midway through tonight's show, I was prepared to write about how disappointed I was that only one week out from the conclusion of the Michael Scott Paper Company arc, we were subjected to such a throwaway episode. Here's what I would have written: "How many times can we see Michael be disappointed that no one wants to join him in his crazy shenanigans? This is a 'go-to' plotline that I wish they would stop going to!" I would have then nodded solemnly at the screen, content that I had proved once again that blogging about TV is the most important job a person can have.
But before I had the chance to craft the rest of that review, something awesome happened. Like most awesome things, it started with two hot girls dancing with each other ...
Continue reading The Office: Cafe Disco
TV 101: Arise, Serpentor, Arise!
Generally speaking, if your doctor is wearing purple pants, metal studded suspenders, a blue cape, and no shirt, it's probably best to regard him with a healthy degree of suspicion. Cobra Commander learned this the hard way at the start of the second season of G.I. Joe, when his own shirtless, cape-wearing science officer, Dr. Mindbender, usurped his authority by crafting the ultimate COBRA leader: Serpentor.Serpentor was grown out of genetic gumbo: by taking the DNA of history's greatest leaders and mixing them all together, Mindbender hoped to create the perfect ruler (or at least one that didn't always call him "Fender-Bender.")
Alas, as is so often the case, Mindbender's plan was thrown off when he was forced to substitute Sun Tzu's DNA with that of professional wrestler Sgt. Slaughter. Because of this, Serpentor was cursed with impatience, a fatal flaw G.I. Joe was able to use against him time and time again.
Even though Mindbender failed with his Serpentor, creating the "Serpentor of [insert profession here]" is still one of my favorite games...
Continue reading TV 101: Arise, Serpentor, Arise!
The Office: Casual Friday
(S05E24) I liked this episode a lot, so the following criticism is an admitted nitpick:To my knowledge, this is the first time we've seen a "casual Friday" on the show. We've had several episodes take place on Fridays, and the cast always dressed normally.
I can't stand when shows do this. To revolve a plot around something that we haven't seen previously and probably won't ever see again ... it just feels so sitcommy.
Don't get me wrong, it was funny (especially when Meredith's boob, butt, and "other" fell out), but I expect more from The Office than common sitcom tropes. What's next? A laugh track? Replacing John Krasinksi with Dick Sargent? Finding out that Michael Scott is really Armin Tamzarian? Blech.
Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest. Now, on to the rest of the review...
Continue reading The Office: Casual Friday
The Office: Heavy Competition
(S05E22) This review will go a whole lot better if we all just forget about that odd Jim/Andy subplot. Go on, it's okay, just wipe it from your mind. It's a little like pretending that the Star Wars prequel trilogy didn't happen, but easier because it's only a B-story and not an eight-year ordeal of codependency with George Lucas.Did you forget about it? Good, because now we can talk about the A-story ... which was awesome!
Tonight's episode was exactly what I want from The Office. I'm actually a little worried that the writers broke into my house and read my secret wish diary. Not only did we have good laughs and a hilarious (if slightly over-the-top) war between Michael and Dwight, we got to see something we've never seen before in an Office episode ...
Continue reading The Office: Heavy Competition
TV 101: Dear Jay - Eight e-mails answered
As a member of the media elite, I tend to run in some pretty impressive circles. Some days it's a Yankees game with Lorne Michaels, Fergie, and Jason Hervey. Others, it's World of Warcraft with Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer (hint for dealing with those two: do NOT wonder aloud who the best Batman of the '90s was).Obviously, writing a bi-weekly column that has readership literally in the hundreds carries with it a lot of perks. But it's not all fun and games. My place as America's foremost pop culture commentator ("It's like Chuck Klosterman and Andy Warhol had a baby!" reads the blurb I'll ask my editor to put on my book should I ever write one) means that my inbox is constantly being spammed by other members of the media asking for advice.
Instead of answering those emails privately, like good manners and the explicit instructions of many of the emails demand, I figured I'd share both the emails and their answers with you, my loyal readers...
The TV Squad Podcast: Vik Sahay of Chuck, Oprah talk, brutal timeslots, and more!
TV Squad Ten: Top Ten ESPN shows from worst to first
Andy Richter: The TV Squad Interview
